So here’s the deal.

I do not love Vincent. I do not have a crush on Vincent. No, nope, nada, nul, nil.

He has merely stolen my heart.

It’s an entirely different thing.

F’r instance, Hojo could steal my heart - to keep in a jar on his desk.

As I said, it’s a totally, totally, TOTALLY different thing.

Er… well…perhaps it isn’t. But the fact remains…

I do not love Vincent.

I do not think his dark air of wonderful mystery is alluring. I do not find those red eyes so undeniably…cool. I do not think that his general indifferent coldness makes me want him even more. I do not think that everything from his posture to his hair to his deep goth-y voice is really, really sexy.

I do not love Vincent. Despite the fact I have to stop myself from drooling whenever I see him, despite the fact I carved YUFFIE. K 4 VINCENT. V 4EVA into the hilt of Spikes’s sword with the point of my shuriken (he nearly had my blood that day).

Period.

Which of course explains exactly why I was trying to get in the inn with him. Alone.

Nah, don’t be stupid. We weren’t sharing the same bed or anything. (I kinda wish we were, though……Are you listening to this? Well, forget what you just heard then. I, Yuffie Kisaragi, heir of Wutai, command you.)

I had decided.

I was going to be brave.

I was going to admit my feelings for Vincent.

So there we were. Costa Del Sol Inn. (I’ve been begging Spikes to buy that beach house, because I REALLY need somewhere to wash my hair, and to chill when the heat of Trying To Save The Planet From A Giant Lump Of Space Rock Summoned By a Cute But Very Evil Psychopath gets to me. His excuse ran along the lines of 'we haven't got time, and besides, we need all the gil we've got to buy supplies' or something similar. Gahhhh. Stubborn spiky-headed freakazoid.)

So, first things first for my Master Plan.

You see, we were doing some kind of AVALANCHE World Tour, going around everywhere before we set of to fight Sephiroth so, that even if he killed us, we'd still get to see the world. Sounds a bit ominous if you ask me. But still, it meant we were staying briefly in Costa Del Sol. All eight of us. Meaning if I want to be alone with the Epitome of Sexiness, I had to evacuate four people, an animal, and a weird cat robot. And, just to make it even MORE difficult, all of them older than me. Herculean task I know.

"Hey, Spikes!!"

He looked up from the bed. I noticed he'd taken off all his armour ready for the evening. It was lying in a big bundle of metal and leather and bandages on the floor by him. "What is it, Yuff?"

Yuff. I like the nickname, but, to be honest, I only really want to hear it from The Sexy V.

"Errm…I don't know how to say this, but Spikes, could you do me a little favour? Pleeaaaaase?"

Instantly he was suspicious. (To be honest, it wasn't without reason. I mean, I have begged him for his materia to the point where I near paralysed my vocal chords saying 'pleeaaaaase' too much.)

"…What?"

I noticed the barely evident pause before he spoke. He's so mistrustful of me.

"Look, it's not like it's anything hard, or something you won't enjoy or anything…All I want you to do is leave the inn."

So then he goes and asks the one thing I didn't want him to.

"Why?"

"Well, ain't that the Billion Gil Question." I grinned.

He gave me another suspicious glare. I knew what he was thinking. He thought I was after the party's materia again. Damn, why is he so distrustful??

"Look, if it makes you feel any better…take your materia!!" I shouted. "I just want you to take everyone!! OUT!! - Except Vincent, of course."

Pause.

"Why not Vincent?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Now it was my turn to give a long silence.

"Why not?" he repeated.

"…IgssIkndalikehm." I mumbled.

"What was that?"

"…IguessIkindalikehim."

"I can't hear you, Yu-"

"I LOVE VINCENT!!! OOOOO-KAY?!?! HAPP-PY!?!?" I screamed.

He blinked a couple of times.

"Okay…But, I feel kinda sorry for him…" He scratched his head. "Poor Vincent…"

"Whadd'ya mean by that??" I countered, pretty angry if he'd just implied what I thought he'd implied.

"Nothing," he sighed. "Just…well…you know…Vincent's always so cold and dark-"

"But when he's nice he's REALLY nice-"

"But he's about fourty-nine-"

"But he looks like he's in his early twenties-"

"But I- Oh, forget it. I'll let you do whatever you want to Vincent."

"Ooh!! You will??"

"Yeah. Not sure he will, though."

I tried to ignore the slightly erotic joke.

I couldn't.

"Sooo....are you going or not?"

"Whatever..." Spikes sighed, leaving the room. I heard a bit of conversation (hopefully not gossip. If it was, I’d shave Spikes’s beloved blond points off in his sleep. I mean it) and then I saw him go past the window, being followed by Tifa, Cait Sith, Cid, a random girl in a bikini (although she may have just been going the same way), RedXII AKA Nanaki, and Barret.

It’s like that game you play at parties when you’re six, you know, where they have a tray and they take things off it and you have to remember which thing is missing.

In this case, the missing item was Vincent.

YESSS!!!!!!! WHOO-HOOO!!! BOOO-YAAAAHHHH!!!!

Instantly I charged over to find The Sexy V.

The Sexy V? I'm gonna have to drop that nickname, he sounds like a wrestler or something.

But anyway.

He found me in the end. He was standing in that really drool-able way, looking at me droolably through those droolable long eyelashes and those droolable red eyes.

"Cloud said you had something to tell me, Yuffie."

"Yes, Vincent." My own voice sounded unusually sultry for me. "You are my angel in a demon's form, my reason to followeth Spikes untoeth the endeth of thiseth world. I loveth thou."

His voice sounded sexy as ever.

"Yes. I lovest thou too, the only girleth I have felteth like thiseth foreth sinceth Lucrecia. Eth."

I drifted towards him, infatuation holding me, and the two of us celebrated our love in much passionate - um - kissing.

THE END

OK. You didn't believe that, did you?

Well, no wonder, because that didn't happen.

What really happened went more like this:

"Cloud said you had something to tell me, Yuffie. From the tone of his voice, it was implied to be urgent and important."

Urgent and important? Perhaps I don't hate Spikes as much as I thought I did. But more importantly-

"What was the message, Yuffie?"

"Uh. Um. Well. Uh. Ahem…uh…guh…"

I felt my throat freeze. My muscles all locked into place as if I had been paralysed by one of them REALLY ANNOYING red buggy things that keep kicking my sorry butt in the Battle Arena.

"What?" he spoke again, his smooth sexy baritone making me go all mushy inside - well, it would have done, if my insides weren't harder than Sephiroth on steroids.

"……….bleh……."

"Yuffie, are you perfectly heathy? You do not sound very well…"

OH MY GAWWWWWWD!!! HE WAS SHOWING CARE FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY DREAM HAD COME TRUE!!!!!

"….I'm OK." I croaked.

"Are you certain?" he asked, raising an immaculate arched eyebrow.

"Yeah. Yeahyeahyeahyeahyeah. Absolutelypositivelyfinenothingtoworryabout-"

"What was this message?"

"I…uh….oh, dear sweet Leviathan, I can't…."

"Can't what?"

"REMEMBER!!!" I screamed out at the top of my voice the first word that popped into my head. "I can't remember the message!!!"

"Really?"

"Nonononononono!!!!!!!!" I howled.

"Oh… Yuffie, you…you are not a very efficient courier, are you not?"

I'm not a what in a who now?

"Yes. I'm the least efficient courier ever. Reallyreallyreallyreallyrea-"

"Will you STOP that."

I froze. Again.

I have never before heard Vincent stress words like that.

"………………..nooooooo……………stop….what……?"

"That - That almost Tourette's Syndrome-like repetition of a single word. It is…so…infuriatingly irritating and juvenile."

Seeing Vincent mad sorta removed a lot of his ethereal-ness.

It's not one of those things you can ever get used to, really; vampiric-looking Vincent in a rage. Vincent the mysterious, stoic loner. Vincent the…well…Vincent. Mad. It doesn't really fit into my imagination easily, and I have an imagination bigger than a large country. So, I'll describe him.

His usual ethereal pallor had darkened to an odd bluish colour. (Vinnie has blue blood? Excuse me, but…eww…) His crimson eyes flared like fireworks, and narrowed into slits. His usual smooth voice had become slightly rough and even deeper, sounding like a demonic snarl.

It

was

HORRIBLE.

"Yuffie?"

"……yuh…?"

"You are nothing but an immature, naïve, juvinile brat."

"…Come again?" What was I hearing?

"You are a brat! A BRAT!"

I swear at that point, the world around me crumbled. I was so confused, and insulted…

Yeah, I know Barret and Cid call me a brat all the time, but…not Vincent.

Not Vincent!!

No!! NOT VINCENT!!

It must be a product of my overactive imagination.

Yeah, in a few seconds, I'll wake up, screaming.

Just a few seconds - oh God, I'm so miiixxxeeeed uuuuuup…

It was at that moment the paralysis broke off, and I ran out of the inn, trying not to let it affect me.

It's one thing being insulted.

It's another thing being insulted by someone you love.

"So he thinks I'm a brat?" I said to myself, not caring if anyone thought I was strange. Nothing mattered, I was a brat brat brat, and even Vincent thinks so. "I - I'll give him…brat. I - I'll - I'll prove him WRONG!! I'll change!!"

I was running now, down on to the beach. People were staring at me, I didn't care, nothing could make me care now, except Vincent, I was nothing but a brat, in his eyes anyway, and I want his eyes on me, not just some stupid fantasy, uh…hey. That rhymes. I must be really mad. I'm thinking in poetry.

"Hey there, Yuff."

Spikes was standing next to me, looking down at me in a mixture of interest and mild pity.

"YAHH!! Oh, uh, sorry, you made me jump, I'm a brat brat brat I'm sorry…."

"Yuffie, calm down. You're speaking in…well…I can't understand what you're saying."

"Oh. Sorry, it's nothing, I'm just a brat."

"What?"

"Just don't pay any attention to me. A-n-y."

"Yuffie?" He was looking at me with worry now. "Are you alright? Um, how did it go?"

"Vincent YELLED AT ME!!!!" I screamed. "HE CALLED ME A BRAAAAAAT!!!!!!"

"Yuffie, pipe down. But…Vincent?"

"YESSS!!!" I sobbed at him. "I DON'T BELIEVE THIS!!!! WHAT DID I DOOOOOO WRONG??????!!!!!"

He grabbed my arm. "Yuffie, it's alright. Probably he just didn't expect you to tell him that."

I took a few gulping breaths, trying to regain some sort of composure. "Ahh… But that's the thing!!!"

"What?"

"I NEVER MANAGED TO TELL HIM!!!" Hysteria, welcome back. I was now crying into the bottom of Spikes's shirt. He didn't seem to mind much.

That was kinda unusual. You see, the two of us had never totally gotten along. Admittedly we did, like, bond, sorta, after the whole stolen materia incident, and after Aeris, he was the one I cried on. I guess you could say we were pretty good friends now, but we both hate each other with a vengeance at the same time. I do like him, but he just annoys me. I annoy him, though. Tit for tat. But he was nice, and he seemed to like me. He and RedXIII were the two I felt most at home with in the group.

Not including Vincent of course.

"…Why? What happened?"

"Umm…well, Ikindachickenedoutwhichreallyreallysucksdontit-"

"Yuffie, stay calm. I can't understand a word you're saying."

"OK. OK." I took a succession of deep healing breaths. "Here's how it goes. I went to tell Vincent. When he asked me what it was, I told him that I couldn't remember, because I'd gone all stiff and I was really really like soooo scared, so I told him I couldn't, like, remember - "

"Mmm-hmm…"

"…and he totally like lost it. Lost his temper. I mean it. Vincent. Ha. Weird. But anyway, he, like, lost his temper, and CALLED ME A BRAT which is so like not Vincent-ish…"

"…carry on…"

"..so I ran out here crying like a lunatic. End of story."

"Oh…"

Spikes looked a bit apologetic. I felt a little happier.

Not much.

But a little happier.

I wiped my nose on Spikes's shirt.

"Thanks for all of that. Listening to me and everything. Hearin' me out." I said to him, still miserable.

"It's nothing. Really."

And then up welled another feeling.

"Vincent's such a JERK!! He doesn't accept me as a HUMAN!!! GRAHH, I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIIIIIIM!!!!"

Spikes blinked.

But then I realised what I had to do.

"Spikes?"

"Yeah?"

"Spikes, you gotta help me. PLEASE help me. I'm a brat!! I need Vincent!! NEED HIM!! But he don't like brats, and I'm a brat… Spikes…can you…"

"What?"

"I don't want to be a brat. Please, Spikes, I need to be, like, be the kinda girl Vincent'll like, the next Lucrecia. Not just some shinobi baka!!!! Oh gods, Spikes, Spikes; I wanna be normal."

"…what?"

"I wanna be normal." I repeated. "Spikes, you gotta stop me from bein' a brat!! Anti-bratness lessons or whatever!! You know!! But you gotta help me!!"

"I don't know, Yuffie. Why don't you ask Tifa? She knows a lot more about…charm…than I do…"

"Because I don't want to tell her!!! You already know!! I don't want to tell anyone else!! But I had to tell you!! Because otherwise, you would never have let me talk with Vincent!! Look, Spikes, you're my only hope!!"

"No."

"WHAT?!"

"It's just a hopeless crush, Yuffie. I'm pretty sure that in a couple of weeks, you'll be-"

"DEAD!! IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS I'LL BE DEAD!!! BECAUSE, I'll be like so totally miserable I won't be able to fight or whatever, and without my help, Meteor will squash you flat!!"

Cloud gave me a look meaning, 'yeah right'.

"Pleeeeeeaaaaase?"

"No."

"Oh Gods, Spikes, I thought you liked me….."

"I…I do like you, Yuffie, just there's no point in doing this…"

Ok. Well last resort time again. (Dammit.)

"Um….Cloud…."

"What?"

"I hate resorting to bribery, but…if you give me anti-brat lessons….I'll give you your materia back."

I hadn't actually stolen it yet, but I could change that.

"WHAT?!? You little-"

"I know, I know." I said, quite enjoying the incensed look on Spike's face. "For now, I AM still a brat, so I can do stuff like that. Jerk-o."

"…You're so low…" he growled.

"-and I'm proud of it too. But Vinnie doesn't like it, so I have to change, and I want your help. Please, will you do it? For me?"

"…………OK." Spikes said reluctantly. "But…"

"What?"

"You could start by not calling me a jerk-o ever again."

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

A/N: Oh my god, this is so much fun to write!! Whee! I advise Yuffentine shippers to not read on, because this is NOT a Yuffentine. (Bet you thought I was just using contradictory logic.) Well, anyway, I kinda just sat down at the PC and this kinda came…so if it seems a bit odd or random than that's why.
Oh yeah, my friend CloudRox1 (Read her fics! It'll cheer her up immensly!!) says that Vincent was pretty OOC. I suck at getting people in character, so sorry, but I had an excuse this time…You see, he's stressed, because Yuffie's been hanging on to his cloak tails since she started developing her crush. OK? ^_^
Thanks ever so much for reading! I'm not going to tell you the pairing, because I don't like that sort of thing, but I'm sure you can probably work it out for yourself.
Any requests for torture Cloud submits Yuffie to in the name of charm, just tell me!
Oh yeah, and count the number of times Yuffie uses the word 'Cloud' when she's not quoting someone else. Hee hee.
See yaz!
^_^ Firefly99