Chapter 3: 'Urm...chemistry, much?'

I should have just sprung a surprise attack, gagged and then bound Cloud when he offered to cook earlier that evening when we’d finally stopped to set up camp just as the sun had begun to set over the leafy canopy overhead. I’d exhausted myself trying to keep pace with the mutant man all day and was infuriated when he refused to slow down or take a single break.

Okay, so I know he wants to shake me off but does he have to be so fricken’ blatant about it? Gawd...

Feeling like I was chewing on a dry slug rather than the fish Cloud had successfully burnt earlier I forcibly smiled my most agreeable smile and chewed heartily, rubbing my stomach with emphasis and making approving noises like ‘Ummm...’ and ‘Ahhh..’ at regular intervals as Cloud scrutinised me with narrowed eyes from the other side of the camp fire. He raised a brow suspiciously but said nothing, eventually turning back to his thoughtful contemplation of the fire whilst half heartedly nibbling on his fish.

I watched openly with awe as he took bite after bite out of the fish, not even flinching or turning purple or smoking or anything. Whaat, he could have at least sprung out in massive green boils or something...weirdo. Feeling a little disappointed and wondering vaguely if Cloud’s MAKO gave him some kind of immunity to his own sucky cooking I finally set the fish aside (I don’t particularly feel like killing myself today) and sprawled out onto my back in the soft grass, rubbing my protesting stomach soothingly as it grumbled. I screwed up my face, thinking as I rubbed slow circles on my suffering tummy.

Cloud’s crappy fish tasted just like how one of Barrett’s dirty old socks might; all sweated in, holey and covered in crusty toe jam...ewww, bad mental image. Bad analogy Yuff, bad, bad. Ugh...what a depressing thought...here I am; hot, hormonally charged and camping out alone with a gorgeous guy and I‘m thinking about Barrett’s toe jam. Typical.

Scowlng, my eyes flickered briefly to where Cloud sat, halfway through the fish and being completely boring as usual. He’d barely said a word to me since we’d started out that day. Oh no wait...he had said ‘Shut up Yuffie’, ‘Leave it alone Yuffie’ and ‘Yuffie! could you NOT trip me every five steps!” I sniggered, remembering. That’d been lotsa fun. I’ll do it again tomorrow I think, heh heh.

I closed my eyes and bit back a whimper as a particularly potent wave of nausea hit me and clutched my offending stomach helplessly till it passed. Okay, Cloud is SO not cooking again, EVER... not for this ninja anyways. At least this sucky experience had solved the mystery of why Cloud hardly ever stopped to eat when he travelled; I wouldn’t eat his food if I were him either, I’d probably forgo mealtimes altogether and like, die of malnutrition...urgh.

“Oh man...” I whined helplessly as a partially digested fish did a spectacular somersault in my stomach acid and sent my stomach juices churning. “Oh gawd, oh gawd...”

“What?” Cloud demanded irritably from his side of the fire. “And don’t say it’s the fish because I happen to know for a fact that I am an amazing cook.” He rapped his chest with his knuckles as he said this as though checking to see if his ego was still there.

Kinda makes me think of when you tap a boiled egg to crack the sucker open. Course throwin’ them at people is always better...

I smirked to myself as my eyes slid slyly to where Cloud sat now, ignoring me again. Pity I don’t have any eggs on me...egg splattered Cloud would be sooo amusing right now, hehe.

I remembered what he’d just said about being an amazing cook and snorted, loudly, but Cloud chose to ignore this. I made a noise of disgust in the back of my throat as I pondered the vast entity that was Cloud’s ego.

How is it possible for anyone to be so ego-centrically oblivious to their suckiness at something? There are a lot of things I can’t do well so I just don’t do ‘em; take ironing for example and washing dishes and maybe like, household chores altogether. Cloud should really follow my example and just not cook anything, ever again, period, for the combined safety of mankind.

I shook my head at him and laid back to gaze up into the starry sky and wondered just how many victimised forest animals had died whilst feasting on his campsite leftovers and sighed sadly for all those poor, innocent little souls.

I glanced over at Cloud out of the corners of my eyes again (Hey, I can’t help myself) and saw he was looking particularly sour and grumpy. I suppose I should have tried to spare his feelings really. I screwed up my face as I tried to think of something nice to say. It wasn’t easy: my vocabulary is comprised mainly of insults and short exclamations like ‘Eww grossness!’ and ‘Gawddammit!’. I tried anyway.

“I’m sorry Spike...it was, uh really...lovely.” The last word just felt weird and alien as I said it (especially in relation to Cloud’s cooking). The words were; ‘It was lovely’ but my tone said ‘Puh-lease! A chocobo could have cooked a better fish than that!’

“Of course it was.” Cloud stated matter-of-factly and immediately I found myself grappling with the irresistible urge to grab my skewered fish and shove it right up his nose, stick and all. Cloud sighed and finally dropped the act, his eyes shifting to meet mine across the bobbing fire. “Yuffie I don’t know why you’re even complaining about anything, you were the one who insisted on followin’ me out here in the first place.” The ‘me’ was emphasised with a moody jab at the fire with a big stick, causing sparks to hiss and fly up.

“Shuddup.” I rolled onto my front and immediately groaned into a face-full of grass as my stomach lurched. “Man, this sucks...” Fortunately the grass muffled the last so I’m pretty sure all Cloud caught of that was ‘ am iimmffarpps...”

After a few minutes of chewing grass I turned my face to one side, blowing bangs out of my eyes and busied myself again with my favourite hobby: Cloud watching. He was leaning back against his rock now, fish forgotten, consulting a map and scrawling on it now and then with a thick, black marker.

“Whatcha doin’...?” I mumbled, genuinely curious but too tired and aching to actually physically move myself to his side and look. Laziness, much?

“Nothing you’d be interested in.” Cloud replied shortly, not even sparing me a glance.

I immediately bristled. “What makes ya so sure, smart ass?”

“Sure of what..” He muttered distractedly as he attacked the map savagely with the marker. His eyes flickered irritably to mine. “And don’t call me that.”

“That - I - wouldn’t - be - interested!” I repeated, spacing out each word as though he were a slow and difficult child. “And I’ll call ya whatever I want...Chocobo Butt.”

Cloud’s jaw tightened, and I felt a surge of triumph. Gawd he was easy to rile up, he always took the bait. Plus he looked cute when he was mad. Hee.

“It doesn’t matter if you’re interested or not.” He glanced over, looking decidedly smug. “Because I’m not tellin’ you. So, ha!”

I mouthed soundlessly, infuriated and at a loss for words. In the end I settled for poking my tongue out at him rudely and then sulking as loudly as possible with long sighs and drawn out sniffs.

After a while Cloud growled. “Yuffie, either blow your nose or be quiet.”

“Bite me.”

“Gods you’re so-“

“Incredible? Witty? A total babe?” I supplied.

“I was thinking more annoying.” Cloud grated, scowling fiercely. I was scowling pretty furiously myself now, his last comment striking a sore spot.

“Oh right, I forgot. I’m a brat aren’t I?” I leapt to my feet, leaning down over him and his stupid map, now clutched half forgotten in his left hand. I shoved a finger right between his surprised eyes, jabbing him in the forehead for good measure. It felt good so I did it again. “I’m just an obnoxious, immature little kid with no right to know where the hell we’re goin’ or what you’re doin’, right? You don’t trust me, you don’t respect me-“ My rage was further fuelled as he scoffed at the word ‘respect’, “Hells, you don’t even like me do you Cloud!” I demanded, half choking now with anger and hurt. “Everyone just sees me as this extra baggage, somethin’ to just ‘put up with’.”

I spun sharply on my heel and stalked away toward the dark forest. I stopped before I left the circle of firelight, half turning to glare at him over my shoulder. “I’m not a kid anymore Cloud so just deal with it already!” I fumed off into the darkness of the looming trees, not waiting for a reply. “Asshole!” Was my last parting shot and it felt good, mostly because I was too far away to hear Cloud’s retort.

Gods, teenage angst really is a bitch sometimes.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Twenty minutes later and I’d cooled down. Sort of.

I’d found myself a nice, depressingly morbid glade to deposit myself in whilst I wallowed in self pity and struggled to sort out the maelstrom of feeling currently whirling through my brain like an electrical storm. The glade was pretty standard and satisfactory as glades go; I found I could huff and curse loudly whenever I remembered a particularly irksome part of my argument with Cloud and the surrounding trees and moss would be helpfully solemn and silent.

“T-that stingy bastard!” I slid down the rock I’d been sitting on and drew my knees up to my chin, glaring angrily over the grass stained tops. “Why won’t he stop bein’ so constipated with the information already and just tell me where the hell we’re goin’ and-“ I stopped, realising with a sigh that I was, stupidly, talking to thin air. I needed something to take my mind off it; every time I replayed the scene I just got more and more frustrated. I slipped one grubby hand into the pocket of my shorts idly and immediately pulled out the Chakra Materia which, to my horror, I’d completely forgotten about.

I watched the play of light in it’s deep blue depths for a while, sighing with increasingly less steam as my body started to wind down from the tension. Slowly I relaxed and the anger faded leaving only a hollow emptiness in my stomach, which then growled pointedly. “Shuddup.” I muttered to it irritably as I held the Materia up my eyes, frowning into the swirling blue. “I wish...” I stopped myself, feeling stupid and pathetic. “Aw hell, what’s the point.”

Scowling, I kicked a stone with one shoe, watching it ping off into the trees.

I should have known things’d end up this way. Even back in the AVALANCHE days Cloud and I had been famous amongst our friends for our shouting matches which invariably ended with neither of us apologising and just forgetting anything had been said within half an hour of the argument. When Cloud and I weren’t arguing we’d got along just fine, despite my unfortunate crush which had made me feel awkward at times. I’d never minded it back then and now I knew why. Because back then I knew I’d see Cloud again the next day, that neither of us were going to be leaving anytime soon and I’d taken his presence for granted.

Sighing heavily I began pulling out tufts of grass with my free hand. It was different now though. There was nothing binding us together except my desire to be with him. If I hadn’t made the effort Cloud would have just walked off into the horizon and left me without a backward glance. The big jerk’s probably already packed up and left as I’m thinkin’ about this...why would he wait around for me? Why...why couldn’t I make him see me as anything other than a ninja brat?

Cuz nothing’s changed...I’m still an obnoxious ninja brat. Just one who’s hopelessly in love. Gawd, that sucks.

Something struck me like a lightning bolt as I stared at the Materia. The fat, shopkeepers words slowly replayed in my head ‘-It's Chakra Materia Miss, VERY rare, 'posed to harness inner emotions of others and manipulate them or somethin'.-" Emotions...manipulate... My mouth hung open as an idea began to develop with alarming speed. It was a shocking idea, totally immoral, but it would solve all my emotional problems where Cloud was concerned. If I couldn’t win Cloud by his terms ...then maybe I could win him by mine...? I stared down with mixed horror and fascination at the Materia in my palm, where salvation lay twinkling innocently up at me. I tried to dismiss the thought as it rose unbidden in my head but I couldn’t help myself.

I could use this Materia to MAKE Cloud love me back...

I shivered and quickly pocketed the Materia.

Dammit, I couldn’t do that to Cloud. No matter how much I wanted to be with him if he didn’t love me back genuinely then what was the point? I couldn’t live with a fake love...could I?

I gazed weakly at the tops of my sneakers, feeling sick and this time I suspected it had nothing to do with the fish. My hair slipped forward, cooling my flushed cheeks. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply for a while, waiting for the tension and excitement of the revelation to die down so I could think clearly.

The Great Ninja Yuffie Kisaragi calming down and thinking things through for a change instead of plunging head first into it?

I scoffed, cupping my frowning face in my hands as I looked at nothing. I kicked another stone.

Maybe I really had changed afterall...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I’d already resigned myself to Cloud’s absence when I finally decided to return to camp so I was more than a little surprised to find him sitting by his rock where I’d left him earlier, poking the fire with that damn stick again and looking very much like a little boy who’d been denied the last cookie in the jar.

He looked up so quickly when he heard the crunch of twigs under my sneakers that I could have sworn he cricked his neck. When he winced and rubbed it my thoughts were confirmed and I bit back the automatic snigger. I thought I saw something like relief in his eyes as he watched me approach the fire but it was gone so quickly I couldn’t be positive it had even been there in the first place.

I sat down heavily against a rock opposite him and returned his gaze wearily. “Look,” I began with a little huff and pointed ‘no shit-taking’ look. “You really suck, okay.”

His mouth quirked up at one corner but quickly straightened itself out again. “Yes.” He agreed, his face completely, soberly straight but his eyes undeniably twinkling as I continued.

“And your manners are terrible and you’re moody and stubborn and annoying as hell...” My expression softened and I shifted a bit closer to him round the fire. “But...I’m sorry.” I dared to take one of his gloved hands and I was pleasantly surprised when he let me, almost too surprised to notice the way he squeezed my hand back slightly...almost. I flushed and there was no darkness to hide it this time. Oh holy chocobo ass... He had that almost-but-not-quite smirking look on his face that I remembered from Costa Del Sol where I’d woken to find him watching me. Huh, ‘spose he thinks he’s got me all figured out now...

Frowning I picked up the map which had lain discarded by Cloud’s side up till now. I felt him tense as I picked it up but he didn’t move to snatch it from me or tackle me to the ground, Big Bro style, to wrench it out of my grasp. I waved the map under his nose, watching as he went a little cross eyed trying to follow it with his eyes.

“Can we just forget about this?” I shook the map meaningfully before dropping it into his lap. “If you don’t wanna tell me what you’re up to or where you’re goin’ then fine, whatever.” I scowled and jabbed him in the chest with a finger. “But don’t be a bastard about it okay AND don’t treat me like a child all the time...OR, uhm... not have any breaks durin’ travel time because it’s seriously damagin’ my bladder. Sorry to be gross but there you have it.”

Cloud ran a hand through his hair awkwardly, having the decency at least to look a little shamed. “Okay, fine...” He hesitated and I held my breath, hardly daring to believe Cloud Strife might apologise for something. He coughed and stood, releasing my hand in the process. “There’s uh, more fish there if you, uh...” I blanched and clamped a hand over my mouth. His eyebrows rose with surprise and he shook his head quickly. “...nevermind.”

He moved over to our packs and began pulling bed mats and sleeping bags out.

“What, no night watch Spike?” I queried as joined him.

“No point.” He held up a pink orb of Materia that glowed warmly in the moonlight. “Enemy Away.” He held up another, also pink. “Pre-Emptive.” He slotted the two neatly into his Crystal Bangle and then took off his gloves dropping them onto his pack. “I don’t think anyone’ll be bothering us tonight.”

“Impressive...but that won’t protect you from me!” I grinned at his confused expression and then attacked him violently with my pillow.

A brief pillow war ensued (after Cloud had got over the initial shock) which ended with myself as the victor Well, duh. My sneaker in the middle of Cloud’s back, pressing him to the ground where’d I’d tripped him. Finally I let him up, after much gloating of course.

I flopped down onto my sleeping mat and burrowed into my sleeping bag, hitching the covers up around me. I felt a ribbon of heat curl in my stomach as Cloud dragged his mat over to mine and lay back, head in hands, gazing up thoughtfully at the stars.

I’m fairly sure my cheeks glowed in the darkness, the proximity of Cloud sending my heart fluttering and my skin tingling all over. I coughed nervously, half hating him for absently laying so close and half loving him for being so oblivious so I could just bask in this warm feeling pooling pleasantly in my stomach with his presence.

Dammit, if I had a camera this would be greatest, most amazing opportunity to get a photo of post-argument-sleeping-so-adorably-beside-me-Cloud...but I’ve never owned a camera and I don’t ‘spose I’d even know how to work the piece of crap if I did have it red hot and raring to go in my hands. Plus that would make me a peeping Tom...no wait, heheh, a Peeping Yuffie!

I snorted loudly into my pillow, imagining myself hanging from trees with binoculars and camera in hand. Cloud cracked his eyes open to slits of blue and looked at me questioningly. I shrugged and gave him my most innocent smile, which wasn’t very but seemed to placate him anyway because he just shrugged, closed his eyes and went back to lying there attractively, the moonlight highlighting the gentle curve of muscle in his arms and stomach.

Ummm...

“Spike...” His breathing was steady and soft, his chest rising and falling gently with each breath. I wondered what his breath would feel like, ghosting over my skin, sealing kisses...

“Uhhmm..?” He grumbled questioningly, eyes still closed. He scratched his nose absently and I bit back a giggle.

The moonlight turned his profile silvery blue and painfully handsome. I traced the elegant curve of his brow, his straight, pretty average looking nose and finally the dip of his lips where my eyes lingered and I drew in a slightly shaky breath.

“AreyouandTifa, like, marriedwithlittleTifasandCloudandamortgageandadogandallthatstuff!” I blurted out stupidly, talking so fast I made myself dizzy.

Oh yeah, very subtle Yuffs. Why not just strap a billboard to your naked body advertising the fact that you have a mega crush on Cloud and then strut to and fro in front of him banging a large frying pan with a spoon?

I blanched and chanced a look at Cloud to discover him staring at me wide eyed and blank faced, mouth hanging open slightly and one hand buried nervously in his spikey hair. I smothered a groan and smacked a hand to my forehead, losing my last brain cell in the process.

Gawdammit...stupid, ridiculously charged hormones, why couldn’t my body just gimme a break and stop spoutin’ such utter crap? Cloud probably thought I was some whack job now...oh wait he thought that before anyway, huh. Well he’ll think I’m socially inept loser. Oh...hells he thought that too, everyone thought that.

Dammit, I hate myself.

“Huh...I, uh...that is...we...um...” I moved my hand away from my face and saw that Cloud, despite my glaring display of tactlessness, was trying valiantly to answer my question anyway. His eyes flickered away from mine and back again in the darkness. “We.. Tifa and me...well-“

“Yes..?” My voice sounded annoyingly squeaky to my own ears.

Cloud sighed heavily, rolling onto his side to face me and propping himself up with one elbow. He regarded me soberly from beneath the jagged fall of his blonde spikes. “We’re...just friends, Yuffie.” He finished quietly.

I realised with surprise that I’d been holding my breath for a while and released it in a relieved whoosh. I smiled weakly, feeling utterly stupid and loser-ish for asking such a question. It was none of my business. Nice of Spike to answer me anyways though...heh. “Thanks...I was just kinda curious I guess.”

Liar! My inner Yuffie accused. You just wanted to check if there was any competition!

I coughed and fiddled with the zipper on my sleeping bag. “She, Tifa...she wanted to be more than just your friend ya know.” I looked at him pointedly here. This had nothing to do with my own feelings; separate from those I’d always been curious about whether Cloud had noticed the way Tifa had mooned over him and hung on his every word, how her eyes had followed him whenever he entered a room. Seein’ as he’s being so open for a change I might as well find out while I’ve got the chance...right?

“I know.” Cloud said softly and seriously, his blues eyes so softened with feelings I hardly recognised them for a moment. “ I just...I don’t, I’ve never felt that way about Teef.” He sighed and looked away sadly. “She’s my best friend, like a sister I guess.”

Ouch. I’m glad Tifa wasn’t here to pay witness to this little conversation. She’d have been utterly heart-broken.

So weird actually getting’ answers from Cloud instead of a sharp or guarded look or even just the dreaded ‘non-commital grunt’. Maybe he feels like he owes me this...after our argument or whatever. Hm.

I frowned at him and to my relief didn’t flinch or look away when he returned my gaze intently, face near expressionless. “But...she’s gorgeous...and-” My frown deepened. “If you like her so much then why...” My sentence hung unfinished whilst I searched my blank mind for the right words.

I wish I’d just kept my big mouth shut...what was I trying to do here? Convince Cloud that Tifa was so wonderful he couldn’t possibly not love her? I could curse my big, stupid mouth sometimes and the things it blurted out without my brain’s approval...not that my brain ever had anything worthy to add.

Cloud seemed to understand what I was trying to say.

He smiled crookedly and reached over to tousle my hair. Wow, could anything make me feel more like a little kid? “It’s not just about looks Yuff-“ I snorted incredulously. Cloud’s lips twitched a bit as he rolled his eyes at me. “Okay, so looks help - a lot, but it’s more about chemistry or a connection between two people you know? Otherwise...things’d be a lot easier.”

I nodded at him numbly, my brain churning over what he’d just said. Gawd, did I know what he meant about the chemistry part or what...sheesh, I probably knew more about chemistry than anyone on the whole fricken’ planet I’d been analysing my feelings for Cloud for so long. Hells, I could probably give full-fledged, snore-worthy lectures and stuff on the subject the way Bugenhagen did about Materia and the planet, heh.

Woah, woah...hang on...so what about Aeris? Everyone had always gone on about the obvious connection between her and Cloud, even I could see it back in the AVALANCHE days much as I hated to admit it. Is that what she and Cloud had shared? Chemistry, a connection? All those long looks that said so much without saying anything at all, the shy, lingering touches and the near reading of each others minds and mood?

I suddenly felt extremely overwhelmed with misery and completely outclassed by a flowergirl who no longer lived. Would Cloud ever feel that way about me? Could I outstrip the mere memory of Aeris?

I didn’t mention anything to Cloud about Aeris the way I had questioned him about Tifa. Everyone knew this was a touchy subject with him. Cloud never spoke about her or answered to anyone else when they mentioned her name in a question or even when reminiscing about old times. So eventually no one brought it up around him anymore and then we’d all parted ways...

“What’s up?” Cloud’s soft voice rumbled. “You have your ‘thinking’ face on.”

I grinned suddenly. “I have a ‘thinking’ face! Cool!”

So I do have a brain, woot!

My grin faded a little and I turned onto my side, mimicking his posture. “I just...” I chewed on my bottom lip. “I wonder if I’ll ever have that from someone for me...you know, chemistry.” I sighed and moodily began pulling out tufts of grass absently from the narrow space between our bedrolls. “I’ve never even been kissed before...well, not properly.” My cheeks immediately went scarlet.

Oh man, oh gawd...I cannot believe I just told him that. Waaay too cheesy; did I want to Cloud to puke all over me or somethin’?

“You’re still young Yuff, plenty of time.” Cloud supplied helpfully with a lopsided smile that did something funny to my stomach, made it flip-flop.

I shifted, arching a brow. “Pearls of wisdom there, Casanova.” He grinned. “I’m almost eighteen for cryin’ out loud, I’m practically past it already!” I whined, throwing some grass at him just because.

“Hey, if you’re past it then what does that make me? The walking dead?” Cloud protested, flinging grass back.

“Course!” I grinned impishly as I brushed the offending grass out of my hair. “We held your funeral last month, lovely ceremony. Barely a face without a soggy hanky. Vincent broke down and wept, Cid confessed his secret love for you and Barrett finally admitted to the crossdressin’-“

Cloud laughed and poked me on the arm. “You’re crazy, you know that?”

“Know it?” I smirked. “You just listed one of my best features!”

Cloud shook his head, still grinning slightly to himself and suddenly I was uncomfortably aware that there seemed to be a whole lot less space between us than originally.

Coughing nervously I attempted to look somewhere other than at the gorgeous guy leaning casual and nonplussed to my right. I wound up meeting his eyes again, finding him gazing at me intently with a curious expression on his face. It was just a little smile but there was something secret and complicated about it.

“Tell you what...” He whispered, shifting yet closer and sending a delicious shiver down my spine. He placed his hand over his heart as though swearing an oath. “I promise to kiss Yuffie Kisaragi before she dies. How’s that?”

“Properly?” I prompted, my heart doing a tap dance in my chest.

Cloud nodded firmly. “Properly.” He stuck out one hand into the small space that still existed between us. “Deal?”

I drew a shaky breath, aware that I was grinning stupidly and that somewhere, incredibly, Satan was skating to work. “Deal.” I slid my hand into his and shook it firmly.

I felt a jolt of warmth at his touch and wondered if he felt it too. Chemistry, anyone? I suddenly felt very smug and a whole lot more confident than I had an hour earlier.

Perhaps I wouldn’t need to consider the Chakra Materia after all?. The thought sobered me a little and I glanced anxiously back to Cloud who’d rolled over on his back with his hands resting comfortably on his chest. His eyes were closed and he was breathing gently.

“Get some sleep Yuff.” He murmured softly and, with one last lingering look, I did as he said.